What the Bloody Just Happened?
by LilyTheBlonde
Summary: If A is Hermione Granger, then B is a messed up potion, Draco Malfoy's evil plans, and Ron Weasley. C is a messed up pregnancy. A plus B is C. Got that?


**A/N: Here we go again… Well, I suppose this is my first actual fanfic, but all of you young writers out there should understand. **

**I honestly am not sure I am not going mental, so if any of you pick up on that during my fic, don't bother to remind me, I'm well aware of how insane I am… he, well, nobody could blame me really. Oh, well.**

_**Summary:**_

_**A is Hermione Granger. B is a very odd potions accident and that prat Ron Weasley. C is A rushed and uncomfortable pregnancy. Aplus B is C. Got that?**_

**Disclaimer: I am just a very small town girl, going out of her mind, and trying to put that in writing. It might just be enjoyable for some of you. I am not JK Rowling; therefore, none of her characters belong to me… darn.

* * *

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**What Just Happened?**

_**Chapter One: Excuse Me?**_

Hermione Granger had already started studying for exams. No kidding. And it was only the second week of the trio's sixth year.

"You would too, if you know what's good for you," she continuously lectured Harry and Ron.

"We do know what's good for us. And it's not this rubbish," Ron replied, picking up his potions book and dropping it like it was hot.

"You chose to take potions. If you wanted to drop it, you should have," said Hermione in a very annoying tell tale voice.

"You know bloody well that's not true," Ron retorted, "If we didn't take potions, we aren't qualified to become and Auror.

"Right," said Harry, who had been gazing out the window at the 'stars' for the past five minutes._ God, Ginny looks SO hot tonight._

"What did I just say, Harry?" asked Ron, sounding amused. He knew very well Harry wasn't staring at the stars; he only wondered what hot chick was taking a walk tonight.

"Uh…" Harry started. _I have no idea what he just said... But his little sister looks extremely fine tonight. Uh! I'm a bloody pervert. STOP thinking these thoughts._

"Oh, you two are _hopeless_!" Hermione exclaimed. She picked up her very large load of books, and headed out of the Gryffindor common room.

"Where are you going?" asked Ron, sounding worried.

"To do my potions essay in peace. I honestly hope you two get it done, also, or you'll be very sorry," replied the bushy haired prefect.

"That means she's going to the library to check out guys," Ron muttered under his breath, but most unfortunately, Hermione heard him.

"RON WEASLEY, you are an inconsiderate little-" she started, but was incapable of finishing her sentence, so she turned on her heal and stomped out of the place.

"She's really not very cheery, is she mate?" asked Ron, looking slightly bemused. _I didn't mean to piss her off. I love the freak, for god's sakes. Oh, why do I always say the wrong thing?_

"Apparently not," replied his dark haired friend, sounding very amused.

"Well, we'd better get this potions essay done, what'd you reckon?" asked Ron, grimacing slightly as he pulled out his 'Conceiving Potions and Their Uses in Potion Making' essay.

"Wonder why we have to learn about conceiving charms for?" Harry wondered aloud.

"I dunno, but it's not a very interesting subject, is it?" asked Ron, "But have you ever wondered what this potion really does?" He asked.

"No," replied Harry.

"Exactly. And why should we care? It's not like we're going to go making any girls around this place pregnant anyways, right?"

That question went unanswered.

Harry had fallen asleep on his essay.

_In the library_

Hermione had just finished her essay, and was re- reading it for any mistakes she may have made. She found conceiving potions very interesting. They were useful to witches, too.

_Conceiving Potions and Their Uses in Potion Making_

_A conceiving potion is very useful to witches who are unable to conceive their own child, but are ready to begin motherhood. Many witches use this charm after being happily married and ready to try out parenting, but are scared or not able to have their own child._

_A woman who takes a conceiving potion will have a shortened, one month long pregnancy. It will usually result in the healthy birth of a young magical child. The child will have the mother and fathers traits because of the special ingredients added to the potion. _

_The sex of the child and the amount of children being birthed are easily controlled by the potion the mother takes. If too much helborn is added to the potion, for example, twins can and will usually be born. To guarantee that your child is a girl, you can leave out the beavers foot, and add a half a cup of pickled caterpillars hairs, vice versa for a boy._

_The caterpillar hairs are a symbol of a small, undeveloped butterfly being conceived within its cocoon. The beaver's foot stands for the usual determination of the boy's personality._

_Conceiving Potions can be very useful, they are quick and easily made, and they are excellent in producing healthy young children. You must be careful, however when you take this potion, for there are many rules and easy ways for it to accidentally end up on the wrong person._

…

The essay went on for another two feet; that was just the introductory paragraph, believe it or not. Hermione sat back, very pleased with her work. She highly doubted that the boys had even started their essays yet.

_Back in the Common Room_

"Well, mate, I think we've gotten a good start, don't you?" asked Ron, turning to Harry.

"Wha? Oh, yea. Very good," Harry replied, sounding distant. (And slightly hungover, but don't worry, he's not...)

They had each written two sentences; save the hugely magnified title Ron had put at the top of his.

Hermione walked into the vacant common room. The only two people in it were Ron and Harry, and they didn't count, considering they were asleep on their essays. That is, if you could consider them essays. Hermione didn't.

* * *

The next morning, Hermione woke up late and didn't get to breakfast until the post owls had started arriving. She wasn't expecting anything, of course. Why should she? After all, her parents were on Holiday in Australia, attending a national dentist's meeting. 

To her great surprise, a large tawny owl landed in front of her plate, spilling her goblet of pumpkin juice all over Ron.

"Oh my-" Hermione started, as she read the letter. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she threw the letter on the table and ran out of the Great Hall.

Harry and Ron looked at each other, momentarily stupefied by this very unusual act of Hermione's. Then Harry came to his senses and picked up the letter:

_Dear Miss Granger:_

_I have some very terrible news concerning your parents. It seems, as they were traveling on the Muggle Underground, the train they were aboard crashed. Three people were killed, two of them being your parents._

_I regret to inform you that you would have to stay at a muggle orphanage; however there is one way this could be avoided. Mrs. Molly Weasley has offered to house you with her children during school holidays. If, for any reasons, you are unhappy with this arrangement, the muggle orphanage option is still open._

_Your parents funeral will be one week from tomorrow, on September the 14th. You are to be flooed to the Ministry, and they will provide additional transportation. Your fellow students will be on a Hogsmead visit. Therefore, any awkward questions you do not wish to answer, you don't have to._

_Sincerely,_

_Lucille Piper, Department of Magical Mishaps _

"Oh, wow," said Harry softly. He knew why Hermione had been so miserable; this was terrible. He finished the letter, tossed it to Ron, and followed Hermione's footsteps out of the Great Hall.

He didn't know where he was going. He knew Hermione had probably gone to the Girls' Dormitories, where he was not permitted to go. He also knew that he needed some place quiet to think.

Without his knowledge, his feet had carried him to the Room of Requirement. He paced in front of the door, thinking hard before he entered.

He opened the door, and to his surprise, found Hermione crying her eyes out on a large, plush couch in the middle of the room. She didn't look up when Harry entered the room.

"Herms?" Harry asked gently.

"What do you want?" she replied bitterly.

"Are you okay?" He questioned timidly.

"I'm just dandy," she answered, somewhat sarcastically. Oh, wait, that was an understatement. Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

He walked over to the couch and took a box of tissues of the floor. "Here," he said, giving her a tissue.

"Thanks," she replied stuffily.

"That's nice of Mrs Weasley, isn't it?" he asked, trying to lighten her mood just a bit. He failed dismally.

"Harry, it's hard enough for me to spend two weeks over the summer with Ron. Now I'm supposed to spend the _whole _summer with him? I mean, I love Ron like a brother, but sometimes, he really acts like a girl."

"Excuse me?" asked a voice from behind them. There stood Ron, looking extremely hurt.

"Oh, Ron!" said Hermione weakly, "Oh, Ron, I didn't mean it. Oh!" she exclaimed, looking more miserable than they had ever seen her.

"Oh, Herms, it's alright," Ron said, looking furious with himself.

He walked over to the couch and sat next to Harry, putting his arm around Hermione as he did so.

"We'll get through this," he told her soothingly.

* * *

Harry and Ron entered potions, sitting beside each other in the back of the room. Hermione had gone to get herself cleaned up, then to get a pass from McGonagall for being late. 

"Settle down," said a cruel voice from the back of the room. Professor Snape was standing there; looking evil as usual.

"We will be brewing the extremely hard Conceiving Potions today, so you will work in pairs. Potter, go work with Malfoy; Weasley, since your little smarty pants friend didn't bother to show up for today's lesson, you can work alone," Snape said evilly. He knew perfectly well that the odds of Ron actually concocting the potion correctly by himself were extremely little.

"Shit," Ron muttered.

They got in pairs, Ron working by himself. Hermione bustled in halfway through the lesson, and tried to repair all of the damage Ron had done to the potion. She found this extremely impossible, however, when their potion exploded in her face.

* * *

Draco Malfoy worked his hardest on the potion that day. Harry was surprised, by the end of the period, that they had actually managed to concoct the correct looking formula. 

When everyone was looking away, Malfoy took out a small bottle from his robes and filled it with the Conceiving potion.

He then walked over to where Ron and Hermione's potion had been, and found a piece of long, curly brown hair. He picked it up and added it to the potion. Ron and Hermione had gone to the hospital wing to get the potion removed, by the way. And Draco, looking around, discovered happily a lone, short piece of bright red hair on the black seat where Ron had been moments before. He added this to the potion.

He grinned evilly to himself. "All right, Mudblood. Let the games begin!"

* * *

**A/N: Wow! That was LONG! Cool! Oh, and If you want me to update soon, I'd better get some GREAT reviews… Or I won't update… laughs evilly**

**I would like to thank all of my friend, who introduced me to fanfic, and to the art of writing these brilliant stories. **

**And, just in case you haven't figured out Draco's plan YOUR DUMB if you haven't… It's obvious, isn't it? **

**I should probably add that Draco's potion didn't really have anything wrong with it… just a few minor things that will later factor into an interesting pregnancy for our little smarty pants… lmao.**

**Oh, and sorry for the cliffhanger. I was in an evil mood tonight, incase you didn't notice.**

**Thanks to:**

**Alissa**

**Sam**

**Sammi**

**Amanda**

**YOU GUYS ROCK AND RULE!**

**Steph ; )**


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